Roasts For Fake Friends? Here’s 250+ Roasts

Friendship is supposed to be about trust, loyalty, and good times, but sometimes, you end up surrounded by people who aren’t as genuine as you’d like them to be. Fake friends can leave you feeling betrayed, hurt, or just downright confused. When it’s time to call out a fake friend, a roast is a perfect way to expose their true colors.

If you’ve had enough of their phony behavior, here are 300+ roasts for fake friends that will put them in their place—quickly and hilariously. Whether you need to address betrayal, expose a shady friend, or just have some fun with your buddy, this list is for you!

Table of Contents

1. Good Roasts for Fake Friends

If you’ve caught someone in a lie or noticed their fake behavior, sometimes a lighthearted roast can get the message across while keeping the situation in check.

“You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
“You’re not my friend, you’re just an unpaid therapist.”
“Did you fall off the back of a fake friend truck?”
“You’re like a software update. Whenever I need you, you’re nowhere to be found.”
“You say you’re my friend, but even your fake smiles can’t fool me.”

2. Roasts for Fake Friends Who Can’t Be Trusted

When trust is broken, a harsh roast might just be the perfect way to express your frustration. Here are some burns that call out the betrayal:

“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“You’re the human version of a participation trophy—always there, but never really helpful.”
“If I wanted to hang out with someone so fake, I’d go shopping for plastic plants.”
“I have a lot of friends, but you’re the only one I have to question my judgment about.”
“You might be able to fool others, but not me. Your fake persona is as transparent as glass.”

3. Roasts to Say to Your Friends (When They Act Fake)

Sometimes friends act fake without realizing it. If you want to roast them in a playful way to set them straight, these roasts are perfect:

“I can’t tell if you’re my friend or my enemy with how you’ve been acting.”
“You’re the only person I know who can switch between personalities like flipping a switch.”
“It’s hard to trust someone who’s been wearing a mask their whole life.”
“You’re a two-faced person with one smile, and I’m starting to get tired of it.”
“Next time you want to fake being a good friend, maybe practice in front of a mirror first.”

4. Roasts for Fake Friends Who Pretend to Care

If your fake friend pretends to care but shows no real interest, here are some burns to make them reconsider their actions:

“You act like you care, but your actions say otherwise. Just stop pretending.”
“I can see through you better than I can see through my own reflection.”
“You couldn’t care less about me even if I paid you to.”
“You care about me as much as a kid cares about their vegetables.”
“Your ‘concern’ is as fake as your personality.”

5. Roasts to Call Out Fake Friends Who Talk Behind Your Back

Sometimes, a fake friend will gossip behind your back and act like they’re your best friend in front of you. Here’s how to roast them:

“The only thing more fake than you is the gossip you spread.”
“Behind my back, you’re like a reality show, always full of drama.”
“I didn’t know I was your entertainment. I must be real popular behind closed doors.”
“You talk behind my back like you’re on a podcast. Maybe you should start your own channel.”
“I’m surprised you don’t get paid for all the stories you spread about me.”

6. Roasts for Fake Friends Who Only Show Up When It’s Convenient

You’ve probably had a fake friend who only reaches out when they need something. Here are some roasts for those situations:

“You’re like a vending machine. Only useful when you want something from me.”
“You only call me when you need something, and I’m getting tired of being your freebie.”
“I didn’t know I was your last resort. Maybe you should add me to your ‘favorite contacts’ list.”
“You’re like a Wi-Fi signal. Never around when I need you, but always there when you want something.”
“I thought I was your friend, but apparently, I’m just your backup plan.”

7. Roasts for Fake Friends Who Always Compete with You

Some fake friends are constantly in competition with you, even when there’s no need for it. Here’s how to call them out:

“I’m not in a race, but I can see you’re always trying to beat me—good luck with that!”
“You’re so busy competing with me, you don’t even realize I’m not your competition.”
“You treat everything like a competition, but I’m not the one keeping score.”
“You’d rather lose a friend than win an argument. Maybe try winning a friend instead.”
“It’s cute how you think we’re in a race. Newsflash, you’re not even in the running.”

8. Roasts to Expose Fake Friendships

If you want to get straight to the point and expose a fake friend, these roasts will do the trick:

“You’re like a phone with no signal—completely useless when I need you.”
“You’ve mastered the art of pretending, but I’m not buying your performance.”
“I’d tell you the truth, but I can see you’re allergic to it.”
“You might fool others, but you’re not fooling me with your act.”
“I didn’t know I signed up for a one-person show, but here you are, playing the role of the fake friend.”

9. Roasts for Fake Friends Who Are Only Around for Your Success

Fake friends who are only there for the good times or when you’re successful can be the worst. Here are some perfect roasts to handle those situations:

“I can’t decide what’s faker—your friendship or your sudden interest in my success.”
“You’re like a shadow. Only around when things are good but disappear when it gets real.”
“If you’re so interested in my success, why don’t you try achieving something of your own?”
“You seem to appear when I’m on top. Maybe you should stick around when I’m not.”
“It’s nice to know you’re only around for the party. Let me know when you’re done using me.”

10. Roasts to Deal with Fake Friends Who Never Own Up to Their Mistakes

Fake friends often refuse to take responsibility for their actions. Here are some roasts for those who can’t own up:

“You never apologize, but I guess that’s just part of your charm, huh?”
“It’s impressive how you never take responsibility for anything. Must be exhausting.”
“You’ve mastered the art of avoiding accountability. Congratulations on your fake persona.”
“I didn’t know I was friends with a magician—because you’ve made all your mistakes disappear!”
“You’re the king/queen of deflecting blame. Too bad it doesn’t work on me.”

11. Roasts to Fake Friends Who Don’t Offer Real Support

Fake friends love to act supportive but rarely actually show up when needed. These roasts are perfect for calling them out:

“You’ve got a PhD in pretending to care, but you’re still failing in the ‘actually caring’ department.”
“Your support is as real as a unicorn. It doesn’t exist.”
“You could’ve been there for me, but instead, you chose to be somewhere else.”
“I need real friends, not actors who can’t even make it through a scene.”
“I’ve seen more support from a vending machine than from you.”

12. When to Use Roasts for Fake Friends

Sometimes, the right timing is key when using a roast for a fake friend. Whether it’s a confrontation or a lighthearted joke, understanding when to use a roast is important:

“When you’ve caught them in a lie and want to call them out with humor.”
“If you’ve been tolerating their fake behavior for too long and need to stand up for yourself.”
“When they act like nothing’s wrong, but you know their intentions are shady.”
“When they claim to care but always put themselves first.”
“When you’re tired of their games and want to finally let them know how you feel.”

13. How to Deliver a Perfect Roast to Fake Friends

Roasting a fake friend is an art. Knowing how to deliver your roast is crucial for maximum effect:

“Be confident: Fake friends thrive off your insecurity, so stand tall and deliver the roast like a pro.”
“Keep it lighthearted: Remember, roasting shouldn’t be mean-spirited—aim for humor over cruelty.”
“Timing is everything: Deliver the roast at the right moment to make the biggest impact.”
“Use humor as your weapon: A roast delivered with a smile can go a long way in disarming the situation.”
“Stay calm: Don’t let their reaction throw you off. Stay composed and own your roast.”

14. Why Roasting Fake Friends Might Be the Best Way to Handle the Situation

Sometimes a roast is more effective than a serious confrontation. Here’s why roasting a fake friend can be the perfect way to handle things:

“It lets you vent without escalating the situation.”
“A roast can expose their true colors while still keeping things light and fun.”
“It gives you the upper hand in the situation, showing them you’re not bothered by their fake behavior.”
“Roasting can make them realize their actions in a way that a confrontation might not.”
“It’s a great way to regain your confidence and set boundaries without losing your cool.”

15. Roasts for Fake Friends Who Talk a Lot, But Do Nothing

Fake friends often promise a lot but deliver little to nothing. Here’s how to roast them for their empty words:

“You talk a big game, but it’s just talk. You should try playing the game for once.”
“You’re all talk, no action, just like a broken record.”
“Stop saying you’ll help me; I’ve been waiting for you to show up since 2015.”
“You’re like a firework—always big on promises, but no real substance.”
“Your plans sound great, but your follow-through is even worse than your excuses.”

16. Roasts for Fake Friends Who Never Support You

Fake friends love to talk behind your back, but when it’s time to actually support you, they’re nowhere to be found. Roast them with these:

“You claim to support me, but every time I need you, I can’t even find you in the crowd.”
“You’d support me if it didn’t involve getting your hands dirty, huh?”
“It’s cute how you act like my biggest fan, but I haven’t seen you at one event.”
“You only cheer for me when it’s easy. Real support is when it gets tough.”
“You don’t support me; you just watch from the sidelines hoping I’ll fail.”

17. Roasts for Fake Friends Who Act Like They’re Too Busy

We all have that one fake friend who acts busy but somehow still has time for drama. Here’s how to roast them:

“I see you’re too busy to be a real friend, but not too busy to gossip.”
“I get it, you’re busy. Busy doing nothing and pretending to be important.”
“If being busy is an excuse, I guess you’re a professional at it.”
“You’re like a calendar—always full but never actually doing anything important.”
“It’s funny how you’re too busy to help, but somehow always have time to complain.”

18. Roasts for Fake Friends Who Only Call When They Want Something

Fake friends often appear out of nowhere when they need something from you. Here are some roasts for them:

“You only call when you need a favor. I’m starting to feel like your personal assistant.”
“You know, it’s cute how you only text me when you need something. Very telling.”
“You could write a book titled ‘How to Be a Friend When You Need Something’.”
“I didn’t know I was on call for all your problems. Should I start charging you hourly?”
“Let me guess, you need something again. How original.”

19. Roasts for Fake Friends Who Always Have Drama

Fake friends thrive on creating drama. If you’ve had enough of their toxic behavior, try these roasts:

“Is your life a soap opera? Because you’re always in some kind of drama.”
“You should star in a reality show. You’re always up to something fake.”
“If there’s no drama, you’re not interested. Maybe try reading a book for once.”
“I’m surprised you don’t get paid for all the chaos you stir up.”
“Your life is like a reality TV show, except it’s all fake and no one’s watching.”

20. Roasts for Fake Friends Who Ghost You When Things Get Tough

When things aren’t going well, fake friends suddenly go missing. Call them out with these roasts:

“You’re like a Wi-Fi signal—never there when I need you most.”
“Funny how you vanish when the going gets tough, but reappear when the coast is clear.”
“You’ve mastered the art of ghosting, but you can’t fool me.”
“It’s hilarious how you’re only around when everything’s perfect. Where do you go when it’s not?”
“You’re a fair-weather friend, always shining when the sun’s out, but disappearing when it rains.”

21. Roasts for Fake Friends Who Borrow But Never Return

Fake friends love to take from you without ever returning the favor. Here’s how to roast them:

“You must be a magician because you’re great at making things disappear.”
“I’m not a lending library. If you want something, try paying it back.”
“The way you borrow stuff without returning it, I should start charging you interest.”
“You’re like a vacuum—sucking up everything without giving anything back.”
“If you had an official title, it’d be ‘Professional Borrower.’”

Final Words

Roasting your fake friends isn’t about being mean—it’s about setting boundaries and letting them know you’ve had enough of their fake behavior. Whether you use these roasts to expose them or just have fun with the situation, always remember to do it with confidence and wit.

Real friends will always appreciate your authenticity, and the fakes? Well, they’ll probably vanish. So, go ahead, get creative, and let your fake friends know what’s up! Just remember, you don’t need anyone fake in your life to keep it real.