Roasting your brother is a time-honored tradition in many families, and if you’re looking for some fresh and savage roasts to say to your brother, you’ve come to the right place. Whether you want to tease, joke, or just make him laugh, we’ve got a variety of roasts for brothers that’ll have you both rolling on the floor.
From playful burns to clever comebacks, here are over 300 ways to roast your brother with style!
1. Classic Roasts for Your Brother
Sometimes, you just can’t beat the classics. These roasts to tell your brother are timeless, guaranteed to get a laugh every time.
- “You’re the reason we have instructions on shampoo bottles.”
- “I’m not saying you’re ugly, but you have the kind of face only a mother could love.”
- “If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.”
- “You really are the family’s biggest achievement… right after the family dog.”
- “You’re proof that even a broken clock is right twice a day.”
2. Hilarious Comebacks for Brothers
Need some witty and good roasts to say to your brother in the heat of the moment? These quick comebacks are ready for any situation.
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, the day gets better.”
- “I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
- “I don’t know what’s tighter, your jeans or your brain.”
- “You’ve got the perfect face for radio.”
3. Playful Roasts for Your Brother
For those moments when you want to tease your brother without going too far, these ways to roast your brother are playful but still hilarious.
- “I’m surprised you have time to breathe, what with all that air you’re taking up.”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “I don’t have time to explain it to you; I’m too busy being smarter than you.”
- “You’re not dumb. You just have bad luck when it comes to using common sense.”
- “Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.”
4. Savage Roasts to Fire at Your Brother
Sometimes, you need to turn the heat up. If you’re in the mood for something a little more savage, here are some savage roasts to say to your brother that’ll definitely hit home.
- “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
- “I would explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.”
- “You’re like a software update—whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.’”
- “You’re like a mystery novel, full of suspense and pointless chapters.”
- “It’s not that you’re ugly, you just don’t have the personality to make up for it.”
5. Clever and Smart Roasts for Brothers
When you need to roast your brother with a bit more sophistication, these clever zingers will show your brother you’re the one with the sharpest wit.
- “You’re like a pencil—pointless.”
- “The only thing you’re good at is being a bad example.”
- “If laziness were an Olympic sport, you’d win gold… every time.”
- “You might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but at least you’re in the shed.”
- “Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you talk.”
6. Funniest Roasts for Your Brother
Sometimes, the funniest roasts are the simplest ones. Here are some quick roasts for brothers that’ll have everyone laughing out loud.
- “You’re like a software bug. Everyone knows you’re there, but no one wants to fix you.”
- “If I had a dollar for every time you said something intelligent, I’d be broke.”
- “Don’t you love nature, despite what it did to you?”
- “If you were any dumber, we’d have to water you.”
- “Your sense of humor is like your wardrobe—completely outdated.”
7. Insulting Yet Funny Roasts for Your Brother
If you want to keep things light while still dishing out some solid burns, these funny roasts for brothers are perfect for the occasion.
- “Is it just me, or do you look like a cross between a potato and a scared turtle?”
- “You must be the human version of a participation trophy.”
- “You’re like a bad haircut. It just keeps getting worse every time I look at you.”
- “The only thing you’re good at is being consistently bad at everything.”
- “I would tell you to keep your mouth shut, but I think the world deserves to hear your nonsense.”
8. Hilarious Roasts for Your Brother During Family Gatherings
These roasts to tell your brother are perfect for family get-togethers when you want to spice things up.
- “You’re like a cloud—when you disappear, it’s a much better day.”
- “You don’t need a life coach; you need a GPS.”
- “It must be hard to be so dumb and yet still act like you know everything.”
- “When I look at you, I’m reminded that failure can be inherited.”
- “It’s impressive how you manage to combine ignorance and arrogance in one package.”
9. Roasts That Show Your Brother Who’s Boss
Want to make it clear who’s in charge? These ways to roast your brother will keep him in his place.
- “It’s not that you’re dumb, you just don’t know anything about anything.”
- “You have the potential to be great, but you just keep ignoring it.”
- “When you were born, the doctor told your mom, ‘Congratulations, you’ve just created an eternal disappointment.’”
- “You’re like a phone with no signal—totally useless.”
- “If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.”
10. Funny and Lighthearted Roasts for Your Brother
If you want to tease your brother but keep things lighthearted, these good roasts to say to your brother are a great option.
- “You have the charm of a bag of rocks.”
- “You’re like a human filter—no one wants to listen to you.”
- “You may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but you’re still a bulb!”
- “I don’t need to argue with you; I can already hear the wrong answer.”
- “You have the energy of a sloth with a caffeine addiction.”
11. Sibling Rivalry Roasts for Your Brother
If you’re ready to engage in some classic sibling rivalry, these roasts for brothers are perfect for the occasion.
- “Your brain is like a web browser—too many tabs open and none of them making sense.”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “If you were any more clueless, you’d be wearing a ‘help wanted’ sign.”
- “I wouldn’t say you’re stupid, but you’ve definitely spent some time with your foot in your mouth.”
- “You’re like a broken pencil—pointless, but at least you’re still trying.”
12. Roasts for Brothers Who Think They’re the Smartest
If your brother has a big ego about his intelligence, these ways to roast your brother will put him back in his place.
- “Your brain is like a landfill—full of useless things.”
- “You know, I’ve met smarter people, and they didn’t even know the alphabet.”
- “You may have a big brain, but it’s mostly empty space.”
- “I don’t need your advice, I’m already smarter than you.”
- “Your IQ is lower than the number of freckles on your face.”
13. Lighthearted Roasts for Your Brother
For when you want to roast your brother in a fun and non-offensive way, these good roasts to say to your brother strike the right balance.
- “You’re like a software update: every time you show up, I think ‘Not now.’”
- “You have the face for radio, but the personality for a podcast.”
- “I’m not saying you’re dumb, but you’ve failed a lot of tests… with flying colors.”
- “If I had a nickel for every time you said something funny, I’d still be broke.”
- “You’re the kind of guy who would bring a ladder to a bar.”
14. Silly and Fun Roasts for Your Brother
If you’re in the mood for silly and light-hearted banter, these ways to roast your brother will make everyone giggle.
- “You’ve got the same amount of sense as a bowl of soup.”
- “When they handed out brains, you must’ve been absent.”
- “You’re like a vacuum—always sucking up attention and getting nothing done.”
- “I’m not saying you’re ugly, but you’ve got the kind of face that could make a blind man wince.”
- “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your hat off.”
15. Sarcastic Roasts for Your Brother
For when you want to bring out the sarcasm in full force, these roasts to tell your brother will do the trick.
- “You’re like a cloud. When you leave, the day gets a whole lot brighter.”
- “I didn’t know you were still working on becoming irrelevant.”
- “Is your brain on vacation? Because it’s been on break for a while.”
- “You must be the human version of a participation trophy.”
- “You have the self-awareness of a brick wall.”
16. Playful and Cheeky Roasts for Your Brother
For those moments when you want to playfully jab at your brother, these roasts for brothers will keep it fun.
- “You’re the only guy I know who could trip over a wireless connection.”
- “You must be the inspiration for all the bad decisions I make.”
- “You’re the type of person who would bring sand to the beach.”
- “You might be the family’s favorite disappointment.”
- “If I had a dime for every time you’ve embarrassed yourself, I could retire.”
17. Roasts for Brothers Who Are Full of Themselves
If your brother thinks he’s all that, these ways to roast your brother will humble him real quick.
- “You’re not the center of the universe, but you sure act like it.”
- “Just because you have a big mouth doesn’t mean you’ve got big ideas.”
- “You think you’re a genius? Too bad everyone else is still waiting for the proof.”
- “The only thing special about you is how you can fail in unique ways.”
- “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
18. Funny and Sarcastic Roasts for Your Brother
These roasts to tell your brother combine sarcasm and humor to create the perfect witty comeback.
- “If I had to choose between you and a rock, I’d pick the rock every time.”
- “I’ve seen more useful things in the bottom of a cereal box.”
- “You know, you’re like a phone with no signal—completely useless.”
- “Is your brain even plugged in? Because it’s not working properly.”
- “I’ve never met someone who’s so good at being bad at everything.”
19. Savage Yet Funny Roasts for Your Brother
When you need something a bit more savage to shut down your brother, these ways to roast your brother will get the job done.
- “You’re a special kind of stupid, and I’m lucky to witness it.”
- “You have the personality of a wet sponge.”
- “You’re proof that evolution can go backward.”
- “You’re the type of person who’d try to teach a fish how to swim.”
- “If laziness was an Olympic sport, you’d win the gold every time.”
20. Epic Roasts for Your Brother
For the ultimate burns, these roasts for brothers will leave him speechless.
- “Your brain is so small, it needs a passport to travel to the left side of your head.”
- “You’re the reason we have warning labels on everything.”
- “If you were any more clueless, they’d have to charge you rent at the zoo.”
- “You’re like a software bug—everyone knows you’re there, but no one wants to fix you.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, the world is a better place.”
Final Thoughts
Roasting your brother is a tradition that’s all about fun and laughter. Whether you choose savage burns, quick-witted comebacks, or playful insults, these roasts to say to your brother will help you bring the heat while keeping it light.
Remember, the key to a good roast is delivery—so pick your favorite and let the sibling rivalry begin!
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