Top 100 Funny and Clever Roasts to Say to Your Friends This Year

In the world of friendship, there’s nothing quite like a roast. It’s a playful way to tease your friends, making them laugh (or cringe) with witty remarks, all in good fun. A roast is more than just an insult—it’s a humorous and clever way to make someone feel included, showing them that you can appreciate their quirks.

However, timing is everything, and a well-timed roast can leave everyone laughing, while a poorly-timed one might backfire.

But don’t worry—we’re here to help! Whether you’re looking for a funny quip to drop at your next hangout or just need some new material for your comedy arsenal, we’ve got you covered.

This list of Top 100 Funny and Clever Roasts is full of sharp, witty, and lighthearted remarks that will have your friends laughing out loud—without crossing the line.

Let’s dive into these hilarious one-liners that will spice up your banter and keep everyone in stitches.

Table of Contents

List of 100 Best Funny Roasts to Say to Your Friends

Here are 100 funny and clever roasts to say to your friends this year,

“You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
“You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
“I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
“You’re proof that even God makes mistakes sometimes.”
“You have the perfect face for radio.”
“Were you born this annoying, or did you take lessons?”
“You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
“You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
“You’re as useless as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue.'”
“If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d call your ex.”
“You’re like a slinky. Not really good for much, but it’s fun to push you down the stairs.”
“You’re so fake, even China denied they made you.”
“You have an entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?”
“You’re like a candle in the wind… useless.”
“Somewhere out there is a tree working hard to produce oxygen for you. I think you owe it an apology.”
“I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.”
“I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?”
“You’re not pretty enough to be this stupid.”
“You’re like a broken compass. You’re not making any sense.”
“You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
“You’re the reason God created the middle finger.”
“Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
“Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.”
“You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.”
“You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
“I’d love to stay and chat, but I’d rather have type 2 diabetes.”
“You’re like a bag of nachos: cheap, salty, and cheesy.”
“I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but it looks like you came unarmed.”
“You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
“If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.”
“If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.”
“You’re like a glow stick. Sometimes we need to break you before you shine.”
“You have an entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?”
“You’re the reason God created the middle finger.”
“Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
“You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.”
“If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?”
“You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
“You’re as useless as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue.'”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
“You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
“I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
“You’re proof that even God makes mistakes sometimes.”
“You have the perfect face for radio.”
“Were you born this annoying, or did you take lessons?”
“You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
“You’re like a slinky. Not really good for much, but it’s fun to push you down the stairs.”
“You’re so fake, even China denied they made you.”
“You have an entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?”
“You’re like a candle in the wind… useless.”
“Somewhere out there is a tree working hard to produce oxygen for you. I think you owe it an apology.”
“I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.”
“I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?”
“You’re not pretty enough to be this stupid.”
“You’re like a broken compass. You’re not making any sense.”
“You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
“You’re the reason God created the middle finger.”
“Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
“Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.”
“You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.”
“You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
“I’d love to stay and chat, but I’d rather have type 2 diabetes.”
“You’re like a bag of nachos: cheap, salty, and cheesy.”
“I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but it looks like you came unarmed.”
“You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
“If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.”
“If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.”
“You’re like a glow stick. Sometimes we need to break you before you shine.”
“You have an entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?”
“You’re the reason God created the middle finger.”
“Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
“You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.”
“If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?”
“You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
“You’re as useless as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue.'”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
“You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
“I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
“You’re proof that even God makes mistakes sometimes.”
“You have the perfect face for radio.”
“Were you born this annoying, or did you take lessons?”
“You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
“You’re like a slinky. Not really good for much, but it’s fun to push you down the stairs.”
“You’re so fake, even China denied they made you.”
“You have an entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?”
“You’re like a candle in the wind… useless.”
“Somewhere out there is a tree working hard to produce oxygen for you. I think you owe it an apology.”
“I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.”
“I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?”
“You’re not pretty enough to be this stupid.”
“You’re like a broken compass. You’re not making any sense.”
“You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
“You’re the reason God created the middle finger.”

1. “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”

This roast is perfect for when you want to let someone know they’re not exactly the life of the party, but in a playful way. The comparison to a cloud adds a bit of wit, implying that things improve once they leave.

Examples:

“It’s like the room lightens up when you go away.”
“When you leave, we can finally breathe again.”
“You might be the cloud, but it sure feels sunny when you vanish.”

2. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

This is a clever and sarcastic way to show that someone’s argument or statement doesn’t quite hold water. It’s a great way to humorously undermine someone’s confidence in their ideas.

Examples:

“We’d both be wrong, but at least we’d have fun being wrong together.”
“If we both agreed, we’d make the world a bit more confused.”
“I’m all about agreeing, but this one’s too far off to jump on board.”

3. “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”

A hilarious roast that gets right to the point—it’s a gentle jab at someone’s presence, implying things improve when they leave. It’s meant to be taken humorously, so deliver it with a playful tone.

Examples:

“Honestly, the silence after you leave is pure bliss.”
“You’re like a boisterous cloud of chaos, and we all enjoy the clear skies when you’re gone.”
“We always feel more productive after you exit.”

4. “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”

This roast highlights the person’s tendency to make bad decisions or say dumb things in a playful way. The phrase “bad luck thinking” makes it sound like it’s just a string of unfortunate events instead of poor judgment.

Examples:

“Your thoughts don’t always work out, but at least you’re trying.”
“You’ve got the best intentions, but your brain doesn’t always come through.”
“It’s like your mind and reality are on different time zones.”

5. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”

This one is a playful roast suggesting that the person might need simpler explanations to understand things. By implying they need crayons to grasp basic concepts, it makes for a funny, sarcastic jab that’s sure to get a laugh.

Examples:

“I think this might be too complex for you, I’ll bring the crayons next time.”
“Explaining this might take longer than I thought, better grab a coloring book!”
“This could be a bit complicated for you, so I’m going to need to simplify it with visuals.”

6. “You’re proof that even God makes mistakes sometimes.”

This is a classic roast that walks the fine line between funny and harsh, and it’s all about the delivery. It’s an exaggerated way of pointing out someone’s flaws but making them laugh at their own expense.

Examples:

“You’re like an experimental version of perfection that didn’t quite work out.”
“Even the best plans can go wrong sometimes. And then there’s you.”
“You know, not even the divine gets it right all the time.”

7. “You have the perfect face for radio.”

This one’s a classic roast—a subtle jab at someone’s appearance that’s delivered in a funny, lighthearted way. It’s all about saying the opposite of a compliment, turning the idea of a “good face” into something comically absurd.

Examples:

“With that face, radio is definitely where you should be, not in front of a camera.”
“Your face is so unique, it should be heard, not seen.”
“They should make you the face of radio—literally the face of radio.”

8. “Were you born this annoying, or did you have to work at it?”

This is a playful jab at someone who tends to get under everyone’s skin, but in a way that makes them laugh. It’s like complimenting their persistence in a very sarcastic way.

Examples:

“Is this just a natural talent of yours, or did you take lessons?”
“You must have put a lot of effort into perfecting your skills.”
“You’ve got a special kind of annoying that’s impressive.”

9. “You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.”

A humorous roast that pokes fun at someone’s appearance without being too harsh. It’s lighthearted, and the playful nature of it makes it a fun jab to use with friends.

Examples:

“You’re just so noticeable because you’re so amazing.”
“You’re like a walking billboard for fun and food.”
“You’re more like a sunset—big, bold, and impossible to miss.”

10. “If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.”

A clever way to poke fun at someone who’s always coming out with ridiculous statements. This roast is a subtle way to say they’re not the brightest, but it’s delivered with humor.

Examples:

“If you ever had a good idea, I’d be in shock.”
“You’ve had a few clever moments, but not enough to buy anything.”
“You’re just lucky the world isn’t in need of smart people.”

11. “Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”

This one is a clever way of roasting someone’s lack of significance in your life, implying their secrets are hardly memorable.

Examples:

“I’d love to keep your secrets, but I forget them immediately.”
“Your secrets are like invisible ink—never worth remembering.”
“The only thing I remember about you are your bad jokes, not your secrets.”

12. “You have the perfect face for a crime scene photo.”

This roast is all about the dramatic and sarcastic, suggesting that the person’s look is so intense, it’s almost criminal.

Examples:

“Every time I see your face, I think I’m about to witness a crime.”
“That face could make it in any police lineup.”
“You’re just one mugshot away from being infamous.”

13. “If I had a nickel for every time you were right, I’d have zero nickels.”

A funny way to highlight that someone’s always wrong—no matter the subject. The exaggeration is key to making this roast work.

Examples:

“Your ‘right’ moments are so rare, I need a map to find them.”
“If being wrong was a sport, you’d be an Olympic gold medalist.”
“The only thing you’re right about is being wrong.”

14. “You have the kind of face that makes onions cry.”

A roast that’s all about exaggerating how “tough” someone’s look is—so tough, even onions can’t handle it.

Examples:

“When you walk into the room, even the tough guys start tearing up.”
“Your face could get a reaction from anything emotional.”
“Onions wouldn’t dare be cut in your presence—they’d just sob.”

15. “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”

A funny roast implying the person is always interrupting, like an unsolicited software update.

Examples:

“You pop up at the worst moments, like those annoying notifications.”
“Just like a software update, we all dread seeing you.”
“I’d rather deal with pop-up ads than hear from you right now.”

16. “You’re proof that not all mistakes can be fixed.”

A roast that suggests the person is beyond help in a humorous way—while still being exaggerated.

Examples:

“Some things are too broken to be repaired, and you’re one of them.”
“You should be the poster child for unfixable problems.”
“We’ve all tried, but some errors are permanent.”

17. “I’d say you’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine, but that’d be an insult to the door.”

This one uses a funny metaphor to say that someone’s practically useless—without being too harsh.

Examples:

“You’re more of a problem than a solution, like a map with no directions.”
“You’re not helping—you’re like a broken pencil: pointless.”
“Having you around is like trying to use a broken umbrella in a storm.”

18. “You bring as much value to the table as a soggy napkin.”

This roast is perfect for when someone’s being particularly unhelpful or underwhelming. It plays on the idea that a soggy napkin is useless.

Examples:

“Your presence is like a soggy napkin—more trouble than it’s worth.”
“You’re as useful as a napkin after the meal’s over.”
“Like a napkin, you’re just here to soak up mistakes.”

19. “You’re like a cloud: When you disappear, everything is brighter.”

This roast is similar to others but a little more specific—implying that the world gets better without the person around.

Examples:

“You’re like a raincloud, but without the rain—just darkness.”
“Things seem to get more lively when you leave.”
“Your absence is what makes the world feel lighter.”

20. “You’re the human version of a participation trophy.”

A playful jab at someone’s lack of achievement or originality, this roast suggests they’re only there for the sake of being there.

Examples:

“You showed up, and that’s the extent of your contribution.”
“You didn’t win, but hey, you’re here for moral support!”
“You’ve got the trophy for just trying, not succeeding.”

21. “You’re like a sloth on roller skates—slow, clumsy, and in the way.”

This roast draws a funny and relatable image of someone being uncoordinated and inefficient. It’s a great way to lightly tease a friend who’s a bit slow on the uptake.

Examples:

“You take forever to get anywhere, and even then, you’re a disaster.”
“You’re not fast, and you’re definitely not graceful.”
“Like a sloth in motion, nothing ever gets done quickly with you.”

22. “You have the energy of a 3-year-old on a sugar high, but without the charm.”

This roast highlights someone who might be a bit too energetic, but in a way that isn’t endearing—just chaotic.

Examples:

“You could use a nap, or maybe ten.”
“You’re all over the place and none of it is cute.”
“If you didn’t run on caffeine, you’d be a zombie.”

23. “If I wanted a second opinion, I’d ask a potato.”

This clever line roasts someone’s intelligence or inability to contribute anything of value in a situation. It’s a sharp yet funny jab.

Examples:

“You’re as helpful as a rock in a brainstorming session.”
“Potatoes have more useful insights than your suggestions.”
“When in doubt, always choose a potato over your advice.”

24. “If you were any more laid-back, you’d be horizontal.”

This roast teases someone for being too chill or lazy. It exaggerates their easygoing nature to a ridiculous extreme.

Examples:

“You’re so chill, you might as well be a sloth.”
“At this rate, you’re just one nap away from a coma.”
“You’re so relaxed, you’ve become a part of the furniture.”

25. “You have the same personality as a dial-up internet connection.”

This roast plays on how outdated and slow something can be. It’s a jab at someone who might be a little slow or old-fashioned in their ways.

Examples:

“Your jokes are like dial-up: outdated and irritating.”
“Your energy is like that connection—slow and non-responsive.”
“I could find more personality in a toaster.”

26. “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, everything clears up.”

This roast is all about highlighting how someone’s absence brings clarity and relief, suggesting they’re not exactly helping things.

Examples:

“When you leave the room, it’s like the fog lifts.”
“You bring so much confusion, even a weather forecast seems clearer.”
“You vanish, and suddenly, it’s like I can breathe again.”

27. “You’re proof that even Google can’t fix everything.”

This one is perfect for when someone is just too much to handle or is always searching for answers but never seems to get it right.

Examples:

“I googled solutions, but I’m afraid you’re an exception.”
“Even Google couldn’t find a way to help you.”
“If Google couldn’t solve your problem, then it’s beyond saving.”

28. “You have the charm of a wet towel.”

This roast plays on how uncharismatic and unappealing someone might be in social settings.

Examples:

“You walk into a room, and it feels like the energy gets drained.”
“You’re like the wet blanket no one invited.”
“You could win a contest for being the least charming.”

29. “You must be the human equivalent of a participation ribbon.”

A jab at someone who is always there but never really contributes anything meaningful or significant.

Examples:

“You’re here, and that’s about the extent of your worth.”
“You show up, but you don’t really do much.”
“You’re not winning any awards, but at least you’re trying.”

30. “You’re like a broken pencil—pointless.”

This roast uses a simple metaphor to suggest someone’s lack of usefulness or impact.

Examples:

“Nothing you say or do makes much of an impact.”
“You’re like a pencil with no sharpener, always dull.”
“You’re as helpful as a broken pen.”

31. “You’re the human version of a participation trophy—good for showing up, but that’s about it.”

This roast highlights how someone just shows up without really contributing anything meaningful to the table.

Examples:

“You’re the best at being present, but not much else.”
“Your contribution is showing up, but that’s where it ends.”
“You win the award for just existing.”

32. “If your brain was taxed, you’d get a refund.”

A roast that suggests someone is not exactly known for their intelligence, in a lighthearted and exaggerated way.

Examples:

“You’ve got a lot of ideas, but none of them are smart.”
“You’d be the last person I’d ask for advice.”
“If thinking was a job, you’d be unemployed.”

33. “You bring as much value as a screen door on a submarine.”

This classic roast is an exaggeration to highlight someone’s complete lack of usefulness in a particular situation.

Examples:

“You’re more of a hindrance than a help.”
“When you contribute, it’s like adding more holes to a sinking ship.”
“You’re about as useful as a leaky bucket.”

34. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

A sarcastic way to imply someone’s opinion is so off-base, agreeing with them would be a huge mistake.

Examples:

“If I agreed with you, we’d both be stuck in confusion.”
“You’re on a different wavelength—one that I can’t even tune into.”
“Your idea makes no sense, but I’d love to hear more of it!”

35. “You’re like a traffic light in a 24/7 city—completely unnecessary.”

This roast pokes fun at someone who’s just in the way and doesn’t serve much purpose.

Examples:

“You show up, and the whole system slows down.”
“Like a red light at midnight—there’s no reason for it.”
“You’re blocking progress like a stop sign in a race.”

36. “Your Wi-Fi signal is stronger than your personality.”

This roast suggests that someone’s personality is weak or uninteresting compared to something as mundane as Wi-Fi.

Examples:

“I’d rather interact with my router than hear your stories.”
“Your personality could use a boost, like your Wi-Fi signal.”
“You’re a lot like a Wi-Fi password—hard to remember and not very exciting.”

37. “You’re like a spam email—everyone ignores you.”

This one compares someone to a nuisance that’s ignored and unwanted, just like a spam message.

Examples:

“No one reads your messages, but we all know you’re there.”
“You’re just like spam—no one opens you up.”
“Like a spam folder, you’re mostly just avoided.”

38. “Your jokes are like expired milk—no one wants them, and they make everyone uncomfortable.”

This roast compares the person’s sense of humor to something unpleasant and out of place.

Examples:

“Every time you tell a joke, it’s like a bad smell in the room.”
“Your humor has a shelf life of about zero minutes.”
“I’m lactose intolerant to your jokes—they just don’t go down well.”

39. “If I had a dollar for every time you were late, I could afford to leave without you.”

A jab at someone who’s perpetually late, suggesting their tardiness is the only thing that can be counted on.

Examples:

“You’re always late enough to make punctuality jealous.”
“If time were money, you’d be bankrupt by now.”
“Your punctuality is as reliable as a broken clock.”

40. “Your thoughts are as organized as a toddler’s playroom.”

This roast exaggerates someone’s chaotic and disorganized mind in a playful way.

Examples:

“Trying to follow your thoughts is like trying to clean a hurricane.”
“Your mind is like a junk drawer—nothing makes sense.”
“You’re the human equivalent of a cluttered desk.”

41. “You must be the reason they put directions on shampoo bottles.”

This roast plays on the idea that someone’s intelligence or understanding is so low they need instructions for basic tasks.

Examples:

“Without directions, you’d probably get lost in your own house.”
“Even the simplest task is a mystery to you.”
“I’d give you directions, but you wouldn’t follow them anyway.”

42. “You’re the human version of a flat tire—going nowhere fast.”

A roast that suggests someone is stuck in a rut, not moving forward in life, and isn’t helping much.

Examples:

“You’re stuck in park while everyone else is driving forward.”
“You can’t even roll with the punches.”
“You’ve got the speed of a car with no engine.”

43. “You’re as useful as a wooden spoon in a microwave.”

This one is a sarcastic way of saying someone’s completely out of place or ineffective.

Examples:

“Like a broken pencil, you’re totally pointless.”
“You’re about as helpful as a chair with three legs.”
“Trying to rely on you is like trying to swim in concrete.”

44. “You have the personality of a brick wall.”

This is a way of saying someone’s personality is dull, uninteresting, or hard to connect with.

Examples:

“Talking to you is like reading a dictionary—hard to get through.”
“You’re not just a wall—you’re the whole building.”
“Engaging with you is like having a one-sided conversation with furniture.”

45. “You’re the reason why we have ‘no one can hear you scream’ rules in movies.”

A jab at someone’s voice or presence that’s just not effective or overwhelming in a negative way.

Examples:

“When you talk, it’s like hearing the wind whistling through an empty street.”
“Your voice makes people wish they were in space—quiet and void.”
“You could set off alarms, and no one would notice.”

46. “You could be the poster child for why naps are important.”

This roast suggests that the person is always tired, slow, or lacking energy, which makes them less effective or engaging.

Examples:

“You’re so sleepy, I’m surprised you haven’t turned into a pillow.”
“You’re a walking nap time advertisement.”
“You could use a nap, followed by another nap.”

47. “You’re like a software update—annoying and always interrupting at the worst times.”

A funny way to point out that someone is disruptive or unwelcome, much like a software update that pops up unexpectedly.

Examples:

“Every time you speak, it’s like my brain gets an error message.”
“You always show up when I least need you—like a pop-up ad.”
“Like a bug in the system, you keep crashing everything.”

48. “If laziness was an Olympic sport, you’d take the gold, silver, and bronze.”

This roast exaggerates someone’s laziness, suggesting they’d dominate an event based on doing nothing.

Examples:

“You’d win a medal just for sitting still.”
“You’d break records by being inactive.”
“If effort was required, you’d be in the stands cheering for the rest of us.”

49. “You have the enthusiasm of a soggy napkin.”

This roast highlights someone’s lack of excitement or energy, likening them to a limp, unhelpful napkin.

Examples:

“Your enthusiasm is so flat, even pancakes would be jealous.”
“You’re the human equivalent of watching paint dry.”
“You couldn’t muster up excitement if you were handed a million dollars.”

50. “If I had a dime for every time you’ve been useless, I’d be rich.”

A jab at someone’s consistent lack of help or contribution in situations, making them seem more of a liability.

Examples:

“You’re so useless, even a paperweight has more function.”
“You bring less to the table than an empty plate.”
“You’ve earned a fortune in missed opportunities.”

51. “You’re like a car without wheels—completely stuck.”

This roast compares someone to a car that can’t move, symbolizing their lack of progress or effectiveness.

Examples:

“You’re full of potential, but it seems like you’re just parked.”
“Like a car stuck in neutral, you’re not going anywhere.”
“You’re all show and no go.”

52. “If your brain was dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”

A classic roast implying that someone lacks intelligence or capacity for critical thinking.

Examples:

“Your thoughts are as shallow as a puddle.”
“You’re not just clueless, you’re brainless.”
“You could use a little more power in your brain cells.”

53. “You’ve got the energy of a phone on 1%.”

A roast that compares someone’s energy or enthusiasm to a dying phone battery, always on the verge of shutting down.

Examples:

“Your enthusiasm lasts about as long as a phone call with bad reception.”
“Like a phone on low battery, you’re constantly about to power off.”
“You’ve got all the energy of a screen saver.”

54. “You’re like a microwave meal—quick, easy, and mostly disappointing.”

This one highlights someone’s tendency to be fast but ultimately lack substance or value.

Examples:

“You’re quick to pop up but never really fill the void.”
“You sound good at first, but end up being cold and unappetizing.”
“You’re convenient, but I’d rather have something that lasts.”

55. “You’re the human equivalent of a typo.”

A funny comparison suggesting that someone is out of place or mistaken, much like a typing error.

Examples:

“Every time you speak, it feels like a spelling mistake.”
“You’re the mistake I didn’t mean to make.”
“I’d correct you if I could, but you’re beyond editing.”

56. “Your presence is like a bad Wi-Fi connection—slow and annoying.”

This roast compares someone’s presence to a weak Wi-Fi signal, implying they are frustrating to deal with.

Examples:

“Trying to talk to you is like buffering in real life.”
“You’re about as effective as a dial-up connection.”
“I’d rather deal with a dead zone than spend time with you.”

57. “You’re like a broken pencil—completely pointless.”

A classic roast suggesting someone has no value or purpose in a particular situation.

Examples:

“You’re as helpful as a pencil without lead.”
“You’re good for nothing except taking up space.”
“You’re just dead weight in this conversation.”

58. “You must be the reason ‘unhelpful’ is in the dictionary.”

This roast is a playful way to suggest that someone is the definition of unhelpfulness.

Examples:

“When they wrote the word ‘useless,’ they must have had you in mind.”
“Your help is as rare as a unicorn, and just as mythical.”
“You make ‘doing nothing’ an art form.”

59. “Your mind works like a malfunctioning GPS—always lost and never on track.”

A roast that makes fun of someone’s lack of direction or focus, much like a GPS that constantly gives wrong directions.

Examples:

“You could get lost on a straight road.”
“Even with directions, you’d still manage to find the wrong turn.”
“Your sense of direction is as helpful as a broken compass.”

60. “You have the personality of a soggy toast.”

This roast implies that someone is uninteresting, unexciting, and just bland, much like soggy toast.

Examples:

“Your charisma is as dry as a cracker in the desert.”
“You’re a charmless shell of a person, like overcooked toast.”
“Being around you is like eating plain bread without butter.”

61. “You’re like a cloud—when you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”

This roast highlights someone’s tendency to be annoying or unhelpful, making things better when they’re not around.

Examples:

“You’re like the rain—always making everything a little more depressing.”
“The day gets brighter the moment you leave the room.”
“Your absence is the sunshine after a storm.”

62. “You’re like a snack with no flavor—pointless and unsatisfying.”

This one compares someone to a bland snack, implying they bring no excitement or value.

Examples:

“You’re a bag of chips with no seasoning—boring and empty.”
“Like a cracker with no cheese, you’re dry and flavorless.”
“You add nothing to the party, like stale popcorn.”

63. “You’re like a dictionary—full of words but none that matter.”

A witty roast that suggests someone speaks a lot but never says anything useful.

Examples:

“You talk so much, but none of it adds up to anything.”
“You could be replaced by a book of useless facts.”
“Your conversations are just a lot of noise and no substance.”

64. “You’re like a horror movie—scary and hard to look at.”

This one plays on someone’s unpleasantness or discomforting presence, like a bad horror flick.

Examples:

“You’re like the jump scare that everyone saw coming.”
“You’ve got the vibe of a haunted house—creepy and unwanted.”
“Talking to you is like walking through a graveyard at midnight.”

65. “You’re like a vending machine—full of junk that no one wants.”

This roast compares someone to a vending machine, suggesting they’re full of things that nobody really needs or wants.

Examples:

“You’re a snack dispenser with no good choices.”
“You’re the human version of expired candy.”
“Like a broken vending machine, you just take up space.”

66. “If common sense was a class, you’d fail the final exam.”

This roast targets someone’s lack of logic or decision-making skills, implying they could never pass a simple test of common sense.

Examples:

“If there were a diploma for making bad decisions, you’d have a PhD.”
“You’re the reason there’s a course on ‘thinking before acting.'”
“Common sense is a subject you skipped in school.”

67. “You’re like a flashlight without batteries—completely useless in the dark.”

A playful jab suggesting someone lacks utility or purpose when needed most.

Examples:

“When the lights go out, you’re just dead weight.”
“Like a flashlight with no charge, you’re good for nothing.”
“You’re only useful when there’s daylight, and even then, just barely.”

68. “Your personality’s as exciting as a damp towel.”

This roast highlights someone’s lack of excitement, suggesting that they bring nothing to the table.

Examples:

“You’re the human equivalent of a wet blanket.”
“Spending time with you is like folding laundry—boring and repetitive.”
“You have all the charm of a towel that’s been left out too long.”

69. “You’re like a Wi-Fi connection with no signal—pointless.”

A tech-inspired roast, this one compares someone to an unhelpful, weak Wi-Fi connection, making them seem useless in any situation.

Examples:

“You’re good at being there, but not actually contributing anything.”
“Trying to talk to you is like trying to download something on dial-up.”
“You’re a connection without a purpose—always buffering.”

70. “You’re like a plant that refuses to grow—stuck in one place.”

This roast points out someone’s lack of progress or effort to improve, making them seem stagnant.

Examples:

“You’ve got all the potential in the world, but you’re too lazy to bloom.”
“You’re a cactus in the desert—prickly and unproductive.”
“Like a bonsai tree, you’re just stunted in growth.”

71. “You’re like a flat soda—lost all the fizz.”

This one compares someone’s personality to flat soda, implying they once had excitement or spark but lost it over time.

Examples:

“You’ve gone from sparkling to flat in record time.”
“Once bubbly, now you’re just a stale carbonated drink.”
“You were fun once, but now you’re just water in a can.”

72. “You’ve got the energy of a potato on a couch.”

A roast suggesting someone is lazy and lacks the drive to get up or do anything productive.

Examples:

“You’re the type to spend hours on a couch, binge-watching shows.”
“You’re all comfort and no hustle.”
“You’d rather be mashed than make any movement.”

73. “You’re like a fruitcake—no one really wants you, but they keep you around anyway.”

This roast compares someone to the traditional, unwanted fruitcake that lingers even though it’s not wanted.

Examples:

“You’re the last-minute gift nobody asks for.”
“You’re like that fruitcake at Christmas—unwanted but still hanging around.”
“You’re that slice of cake no one reaches for.”

74. “You’re the human version of a ‘404 Not Found’ error.”

A tech-inspired roast, this suggests someone is missing in action or completely useless at the moment.

Examples:

“I asked for help, and you gave me a page that doesn’t load.”
“You disappear when needed, like an unreachable website.”
“You’re the error message that nobody wants to see.”

75. “You’re like a broken pencil—pointless and frustrating.”

A classic roast that implies someone’s lack of purpose, like a pencil that can’t even be used.

Examples:

“You’re useless when it matters most.”
“Like a pencil with no lead, you don’t add value.”
“You’ve got the sharpness of a worn-down eraser.”

76. “You’re like a speed bump—people only notice you when they trip over you.”

This roast is a jab at someone who’s usually unnoticed unless they’re causing problems.

Examples:

“You’re the reason everyone has to slow down.”
“The only time people notice you is when you’re in the way.”
“You might as well be invisible—except when you’re causing a scene.”

77. “You’re like a broken clock—right twice a day, but no one cares.”

A roast comparing someone to a clock that doesn’t work well but is technically correct occasionally.

Examples:

“You make sense only once in a while, but nobody’s listening.”
“You’re only useful in small doses, and even then, you’re not impressive.”
“You say something smart once in a while, but we all tune you out.”

78. “You’re like a song stuck on repeat—annoying and hard to get rid of.”

This roast implies someone’s presence or actions are repetitive and tiresome.

Examples:

“You’re the playlist nobody asked for.”
“You’re the loop that won’t stop.”
“Like a broken record, you never shut up.”

79. “You’re like a website with no password—easy to ignore.”

A roast suggesting someone is too easy to overlook or dismiss, just like a website that requires no effort.

Examples:

“You’re the easiest thing to forget.”
“No challenge, no value—you’re just another page.”
“You’re like the homepage nobody visits.”

80. “You’re like the mute button on a Zoom call—unnecessary and unappreciated.”

This jab suggests someone is just there, but doesn’t contribute much to the conversation or situation.

Examples:

“You’re always around, but no one really hears you.”
“Like the mute button, you’re just there—doing nothing of value.”
“You’re silent, and not in a good way.”

81. “You’re like a snowman in the summer—melted and irrelevant.”

A clever roast comparing someone to something that’s only useful in a specific time or season.

Examples:

“Like snow in July, you’re out of place.”
“You’re only good when it’s cold, and the warmth is your enemy.”
“You melt under pressure, just like a snowman on a hot day.”

82. “You’re like a paperclip—small, insignificant, and easily ignored.”

This roast makes someone feel small and unimportant, like a simple office supply that no one notices.

Examples:

“You’re always there, but no one really notices.”
“You’re the paperclip of the party—good for nothing.”
“You’re just another office tool with no real purpose.”

83. “You’re like an unfinished puzzle—missing pieces and hard to figure out.”

A witty jab comparing someone to an incomplete puzzle, implying they’re confusing or lacking.

Examples:

“There’s always something missing when you speak.”
“You’re half the picture, and no one can make sense of the rest.”
“Like a puzzle with missing pieces, you never quite fit in.”

84. “You’re like a broken radio—loud but impossible to understand.”

This roast compares someone’s loudness to a radio that can’t be tuned to the right station.

Examples:

“You’re always shouting, but nobody can hear the point.”
“Your voice is all noise and no clarity.”
“Like a radio on static, nobody gets what you’re saying.”

85. “You’re like a parking ticket—nobody wants you, but everyone gets stuck with you.”

This roast suggests that someone is an unpleasant but unavoidable presence, just like an unwanted parking ticket.

Examples:

“You’re the thing that ruins everyone’s day.”
“Like a parking ticket, you just appear at the worst times.”
“Nobody asked for you, but now we all have to deal with you.”

86. “You’re like a software update—slow, frustrating, and never seems to work right.”

A clever jab at someone who’s more of a hindrance than a help, much like a problematic software update.

Examples:

“You always promise improvement, but you never deliver.”
“You’re like an update that takes forever to install.”
“Nobody’s waiting for your next move because you never get it right.”

87. “You’re like a slinky—fun for a second, but then just useless.”

This roast compares someone to a toy that’s exciting at first, but quickly becomes irrelevant.

Examples:

“You’re fun to watch for a moment, then you’re just there.”
“Like a slinky on stairs, you’re only fun for a minute.”
“You lose interest as soon as the novelty wears off.”

88. “You’re like a door without a handle—impossible to open.”

This roast suggests someone is difficult to approach or understand, like a door you can’t even open.

Examples:

“You’re locked up tight, and nobody’s got the key.”
“Like a door with no handle, you’re impossible to deal with.”
“People give up trying to get through to you.”

89. “You’re like a pineapple without the flavor—just a prickly exterior.”

A roast suggesting someone looks tough or interesting but is disappointing once you get to know them.

Examples:

“You’re all thorns and no sweetness.”
“You’re the pineapple nobody wants to cut open.”
“Like a tough fruit, you’ve got no substance inside.”

90. “You’re like a lamp without a bulb—nothing to offer but taking up space.”

This one compares someone to a useless lamp, implying they do nothing but occupy space without adding value.

Examples:

“You’re a decorative piece with no function.”
“Like a lamp that never lights up, you’re all style, no substance.”
“You’re just taking up space, and I’m not sure why.”

91. “You’re like a phone with no charge—good for nothing when it matters.”

This roast suggests someone is useless in important situations, much like a phone with a dead battery.

Examples:

“You can’t help when it’s most needed.”
“You’re only good for display, not action.”
“You’re the phone everyone forgets to charge.”

92. “You’re like a ghost—always there but never really present.”

A clever roast implying someone’s presence is felt but not impactful, like a ghost that haunts a space.

Examples:

“You’re the invisible presence everyone pretends not to see.”
“You might as well be a shadow—there, but not really.”
“You’re a ghost in the room—everyone can sense you but no one interacts.”

93. “You’re like a backseat driver—always there to criticize, but never in control.”

This roast makes someone sound like they’re constantly meddling without actually being in charge or helping.

Examples:

“You’ve got plenty of advice, but no action behind it.”
“You tell everyone how to do things, but you can’t even do it yourself.”
“You’re the passenger who thinks they know the way but doesn’t know the map.”

94. “You’re like a bad Wi-Fi connection—always dropping out when you’re needed most.”

This roast suggests someone’s presence is unreliable and always faltering at crucial moments.

Examples:

“You’re like Wi-Fi at a concert—useless when it counts.”
“You’re always buffering, but never loading.”
“When I need you most, you’re nowhere to be found.”

95. “You’re like a fortune cookie with no fortune—just a shell of something that could be interesting.”

This one implies that someone is only a hollow version of what they could be, like an empty fortune cookie.

Examples:

“You give me all the packaging but none of the content.”
“Like a fortune cookie with a blank slip, you’re all mystery with no answers.”
“You’re just a shell with nothing worth cracking open.”

96. “You’re like a book with no pages—nothing to offer but a lot of empty space.”

This roast highlights someone who appears important but is ultimately unimpressive when you get to the heart of things.

Examples:

“All cover, no substance.”
“You look good from the outside, but there’s nothing inside.”
“You’re just a decoration without any real content.”

97. “You’re like a pencil with no lead—pointless and just taking up space.”

A playful jab at someone who’s all show with no real usefulness, just like a pencil that can’t write.

Examples:

“You look the part, but you don’t deliver.”
“You’re just here for decoration, not to contribute.”
“Without any lead, you’re just a stick.”

98. “You’re like a tree with no leaves—bare and lifeless.”

This roast makes someone seem dull or uninspiring, just like a leafless tree in the middle of the season.

Examples:

“You’re missing the things that make you stand out.”
“You’re not providing anything of value, just taking up space.”
“Like a tree with no leaves, you lack the essence that makes you interesting.”

99. “You’re like a phone with a cracked screen—still functional, but way more frustrating.”

A clever comparison to someone who might still have potential, but they’re tough to deal with and annoy others.

Examples:

“You’re a hassle to interact with, but we can’t seem to get rid of you.”
“You look fine, but you’re just one wrong move away from breaking down.”
“You’re always just a little off, like a screen that doesn’t quite work.”

100. “You’re like a flat tire—always holding things back.”

This roast suggests that someone is a hindrance, like a flat tire that keeps things from moving forward.

Examples:

“You slow everyone down with your negativity.”
“Like a flat tire, you keep things stuck in place.”
“You’re the reason we can’t get anywhere.”

Final Words:

Roasts are a classic form of playful teasing, but it’s important to keep them in good fun. These 100 lines can serve as a source of humor for any gathering, whether you’re trying to get a laugh or just lighten the mood. Always remember, the key to a great roast is making sure it’s understood as a joke.

Keep the atmosphere light, the tone fun, and let the good times roll! Happy roasting!